25 Lessons I’ve Learned In 50 Years

This is a guest post by Barrie Davenport of Live Bold and Bloom.

For anyone under 50 reading this, I have some good news for you.  50 is pretty darned good!
I even surprise myself by writing this, because believe me, I never thought the day would come when I would embrace being half a century.  But it has arrived, and it doesn’t stink.
Yes, yes — there are the inevitable physical changes that are quite unsettling.  Things do start to droop, wrinkle and expand.  Sometimes you will catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and wonder who that middle-aged person is.  On the outside, you may look like a grown-up, but on the inside it’s crazy how you still feel like you are 30.  Or younger.  (Ask my teenagers.  They hate that about me.)
When I was in my 30’s and 40’s, I took life much more seriously.
In fact, I think I was mysteriously older then than I am now.  Is that possible?  When you are busy building a career, raising children, accumulating stuff, and creating a lifestyle, you are defined by that busyness.  It’s serious work.  You have to make money to pay for the lifestyle.  Your kids need to be raised right lest they become a scourge on society and embarrass you by living in a trailer and eating bugs.
Those years are fulfilling and wonderful, but they also are fraught with upheaval and angst.  Things that once didn’t matter when you were younger, like having the right cocktail napkins or winning yard of the month, somehow matter so very much.  We struggle toward some kind of perfection and achievement that is ‘out there’ somewhere.
I don’t know about you, but I have spent a lot of time trying to create the self I thought I should be.  I cobbled together the perfect me made from pieces of this and that.  The clothes I wear, the neighborhood we live in, the car I drive, the friends I have.  It looks pretty nice from the outside.  And much of it is nice on the inside too.
But I spent way, way too much time in the work of crafting myself, and far too little time just being myself.
When you are spinning your wheels to maintain this beautifully crafted life, you miss out on a whole lot of real living.
If I were able to time travel and visit my twenty or thirty-year-old self, there are some things I would really like to teach me.  Since I can’t do that, hopefully you will benefit from some of the lessons I’ve learned over the last 50 years.

1. 50 doesn’t feel like 50.  It doesn’t feel like the age you imagined when you are in your 20’s or 30’s.  For the most part, it feels the way you feel right now.  But smarter and more confident.  You also have more time and resources to enjoy life.  So don’t fear it.  Look forward to it.
2. Experience life before you settle down.  Whatever it is you want to do or experience, do as much of it as you can before you have children.  Especially travel.  Live in a hovel and drive a beat-up Dodge Dart if you have to.  But go have some really great, amazing, mind-blowing experiences.
3. Money and stuff are not all that important.  Yes, you want enough to be comfortable and do the things you want to do.  But accumulating for the sake of accumulating is so boring and empty.  Feed the soul, not the ego.
4. Don’t try to impress people.  That’s an act that brings nothing but a momentary ego boost.  Be real with people instead.  Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.
5. Let your kids fail.  Your kids will be okay, even if you think they are headed for the juvie right now.  Don’t come to their rescue all the time.  Don’t manage every detail of their lives or over-schedule them with tao quan dao or viola lessons.  Give them some boundaries, and then relax about them.
6. Bad things will happen.  Part of living and getting older is experiencing upheavals in life.  People lose jobs, get divorced, die.  When you are younger, and things have gone pretty well, this can be shocking.  The bad things won’t kill you.  You will learn from them if you allow it.
7. Not much is worth fighting about.  If you can avoid it, don’t fight.  Step back from arguments with your spouse or family member or neighbor.  When you feel anger surging up and you want to say that snarky thing on the tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away.  Let yourself calm down.  You don’t have to be right or win the argument.  It just doesn’t matter that much.
8. Little things stick with you.  So pay attention to them.  Like watching your child sleep.  Preparing a meal with your family.  Sharing a great laugh with an old friend.  That is the real stuff life is made of.
9. Keep having fun.  Fun is way underrated.  With all of our responsibilities, fun seems like an indulgence.  It shouldn’t be.  It should be a requirement.  Remember what you did to have fun when you were younger, and go do it again.  Leave the house messy and the yard un-mowed for the weekend.  You will remember the fun, not the clean house or yard.  Make time for fun.
10. Make things simpler.  Pick the five most important things in your life now, and focus on those things.  Let the other stuff go.  Let go of the activities, the events, the commitments, the shopping, the to-do lists.  Stop the busyness and really enjoy the important things you have right now.
11. Keep your brain active.  Don’t get into a mental rut.  Do new things, learn new things, explore new ideas in all areas of your life.  Keep challenging yourself and your mind.  Be curious and interested in the world around you.
12. Hang out with younger people.  Stay connected with what the generation behind you is doing and thinking.  Establish friendships with them.  You will benefit and learn from each other.  Don’t act superior, because younger people may know a whole lot more than you do!
13. Keep exercising and eating healthy.  You know this, but I’ll remind you anyway.  The older you get, the more important a healthy lifestyle is.  In my 20’s, I could shovel down a Wendy’s hamburger and fries every day and never see the difference.  Now I just look at a hamburger and my butt gets bigger.
14. Manage aging, but why fight it?  You can spend a fortune on face creams, plastic surgery, hair growth formulas, and botox, but eventually you realize you are fighting an uphill battle.  Groom yourself nicely.  Stay fit.  Have unsightly things removed.  But accept the beauty of aging.  A striking mature man or woman is much more attractive than someone who looks overly taunt, tanned or top-heavy.
15. Everyone doesn’t have to like you and vice versa.  One of my friends likes to say, “She’s not in my cluster.”  Sometimes there are people in your life who are just not the right fit or who drain you dry.  It is fine to back off from them or even let them go.
16. Marriages evolve and change.  The feelings you had for the man or woman you married will mutate and evolve several times over the life of a marriage.  Hopefully you will evolve in the same direction or at least embrace and accept the changes in the other person.  It takes work, and sometimes it takes counseling.  Don’t gloss over those changes or you may wake up next to a stranger one day.
17. Yes, you can still have great sex.  When I was in my 20’s, I thought you stopped doing it when you were in your early 40’s.  I assumed middle aged people would no longer want to disrobe in front of each other.  I’m happy to inform you that this is not the case.
18. Tend to your friendships.  Especially your oldest friendships.  These are the people who know and love you best, in spite of your flaws.  Treat them like the precious gems they are.
19. Stop worrying.  Worry does absolutely nothing productive.  In fact, it is counterproductive.  The more you worry, the more you reinforce the problem or concern in your brain.
20. Everything is not always black or white.  Life is often very ambiguous.  Sometimes there isn’t a right or wrong decision or choice.  Things are not always completely clear.  You may not get THE answer, so you just have to wing it.
21. Take action on your dreams.  If you’ve been putting things off — a new career, more education, the big trip — start taking action right now to make it happen.  Don’t dream about it anymore.  Start doing it.
22. Don’t dwell on your wounds.  Everyone has something that has caused pain and has been limiting them in some way.  If you need help to deal with it, then get it right away.  Don’t let the past limit your future.
23. Embrace change.  As uncomfortable as it is sometimes, change allows us to stretch and grow.  New things feel awkward and scary at first, but those feelings go away, and you are left with something bigger and bolder in your life.
24. Be vulnerable.  Allow yourself to feel, to be open and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.  This is how you welcome new opportunities.
25. Count your blessings every day.  I know, this is a refrigerator magnet line, but practice it daily anyway.  There is so much good, so much beauty, so much love in your life.  What more do you really need?  You have so much right now, you just need to pause long enough to appreciate it.

http://www.marcandangel.com

101 Short Stories that Will Leave You Smiling, Crying and Thinking

Since its inception eighteen months ago, our sister site Makes Me Think (MMT) has truly evolved into a remarkable online community.  Every day, users share their thought-provoking life stories and vote on stories  that other users have shared.  Some are happy, some are sad, and others twist your emotions, pulling them in several directions at once.
As stated on the MMT About page, sometimes the most random everyday encounters force us to stop and rethink the truths and perceptions we have ingrained in our minds.  These encounters are educationally priceless.  They spawn moments of deep thought and self-reflection that challenge the status quo and help us evolve as sensible individuals.
I believe the 101 stories listed below perfectly fulfill that description.  Of the thousands of stories that have been submitted to MMT in the last eighteen months, these are my personal favorites.
What do you think?

1. Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug.  When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her.  She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”  MMT
2. Today, at the age of 70, my grandfather graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in business studies.  He’s been a successful business owner most of his life, but he told me he earned his degree to fulfill a promise he made to his mother before she lost her battle with cancer 50 years ago.  MMT
3. Today, my mom is a healthy 54 year old who successfully owns and operates a popular bakery downtown – a goal she had all her life.  15 years ago she was diagnosed with cancer.  In the face of death, she quit her store clerk job, opened the bakery, started chemo therapy, and succeeded on all fronts.  MMT
4. Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying.  And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face.  MMT
5. Today, as a young ‘up and coming’ lawyer, everyone in the firm was congratulating me for winning my first big case this morning.  And all day long all I could think about is how I used a technicality in the law to help a murderer walk away a free man.  MMT
6. Today, on our 50th wedding anniversary, she smiled at me and said, “I only wish I had met you sooner.”  MMT
7. Today, after 2 years of separation, my ex-wife and I resolved our differences and met for dinner.  We laughed and chatted for almost 4 hours.  Then just before she left, she handed me a large envelope.  In  it were 20 love letters she wrote me over the last 2 years.  There was a post-it note on the envelope that said, “Letters I was too stubborn to send.”  MMT
8. Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground.  He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago.”  MMT
9. Today, someone else’s tragedy provided the miracle my family had prayed for.  Thanks to this stranger, my dad will have a heart.  It’s so odd to think that an accidental death just saved his life.  MMT
10. Today marks the ten year anniversary of the day when I slapped him and screamed at him remorselessly for not letting me in the bathroom after we ate breakfast.  That moment also marks the positive turning point in my battle with Bulimia.  I think he saved my life that day.  MMT
11. Today at 7AM I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went in to work.  At 3PM I got laid off.  On my drive home I got a flat tire.  When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too.  A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job.  I start tomorrow.  MMT
12. Today, I was working in a coffee shop when 2 gay men walked in holding hands.  As you might expect, heads started turning.  Then a young girl at the table next to me asked her mom why 2 men were holding hands.  Her mom replied, “Because they love each other.”  MMT
13. Today, after the funeral, I went back to my parent’s empty house – the house I grew up in.  As I gazed around in awe of all the great memories we made in it, I noticed an old photo of my parent’s in their 20’s sitting on the coffee table.  In my father’s handwriting, across the back was written, “In this moment, we were infinite.” MMT
14. Today, as I walked away from the airport gate alone with my head held high and eyes beet red from crying, I knew at that moment what it meant to be a military wife.  MMT
15. Today, a lady walked up to me in the gym and asked me to give her some workout pointers.  She said, “You look incredible!  Watching you gradually tone-up and progress in here has become my primary inspiration to get in shape.”  It made me smile because I’ve struggled with my weight since I was 15.  MMT
16. Today, my grandpa died.  As I was crying and telling my grandma how sorry I was, she said, “Let’s stop being so sad and instead celebrate the 80 wonderful years he was alive… 60 of which he spent with me.”  MMT
17. Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died.  She simply said, “I feel so loved right now.  We should have gotten together like this more often.”  MMT
18. Today, my richest friend growing up filed for bankruptcy and one of my poorest friends growing up purchased his second vacation home.  MMT
19. Today, I pulled into a small gas station in the middle of the desert in New Mexico and realized I had left my wallet at my girlfriends house 5 hours away.  I had no money and barely enough gas to make it another mile down the road.  The only other person that stopped for gas was a burly looking trucker.  I was a bit reluctant, but I asked him for some spare change for gas.  Instead he filled my tank and said, “Someone did this for me a few years ago.”  MMT
20. Today, I was all dressed up and waiting on my blind date to arrive.  He never showed up.  It made me feel ugly.  I thought he may have seen me from a distance and bailed.  Then as I left the restaurant alone, I heard a little girl ask her mom if I was a princess.  It made me smile and it MMT.
21. Today, while I was driving my grandfather to his doctor’s appointment, I complained about hitting 2 red lights in a row.  My grandfather chuckled and said, “You always complain about the red lights, but you never celebrate the green ones.”  MMT
22. Today in downtown San Diego, I watched a blue collar Mexican man get harassed for being Mexican.  It was a blatant act of discrimination.  And the man actually began crying.  As he left the office building, he took off his jacket. His t-shirt underneath read, “I love the USA!”  MMT
23. Today, at a jazz club in San Francisco I saw a man and woman enjoying a drink together.  The woman was a dwarf and the man must have been 6 feet tall.  Later in the evening they went out onto the dance floor.  The man got down on his knees so they could slow dance together.  They danced the rest of the night.  MMT
24. Today, I was the maid of honor in her wedding.  Four years ago she was declared cancer free.  Eight years ago, during our senior year of college, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and told she had eighteen months to live.  MMT
25. Today, I received a gigantic gift bag from one of my friends.  She said she appreciated me being there for her, and that I am one of her best friends.  She is mentally and physically handicapped, and I merely see her for half an hour once per week.  MMT
26. Today, my close friend died unexpectedly in a car accident.  A cab driver saw me crying outside the hospital all alone at 3AM.  He stopped, helped me into the cab, drove me to my house 30 miles away and refused to let me pay him.  MMT
27. Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed.  About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.  MMT
28. Today I met a 90 year old woman at Kinko’s who was getting her passport photo taken so she could go on a Safari in Africa next month for her 91st birthday.  MMT
29. Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling.  I chuckled and asked, “Why?” She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.”  I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the planet?”  “Because that’s where I keep all my stuff,” she said.  MMT
30. Today, I am thankful that my family has acquired enough wealth so that my parents can afford to live in their own house and send me and my siblings to college.  But I miss the days when we were younger and were all crammed into a 2 bedroom apartment and forced to play board games and eat supper together.  MMT
31. Today, my father’s mistress saved my mother’s life when she ran into our fire-engulfed house and pulled my mother out to safety two minutes before the roof collapsed.  MMT
32. Today, at a funeral reception, everyone had something kind to say about the deceased.  As they spoke through their tears, many of them admitted that they wish they had told John how wonderful he was before he died.  MMT
33. Today, after watching a violent horror movie, my little brother abruptly asked my grandfather how he wants to die.  “Like the sunset,” my grandfather replied.  MMT
34. Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter’s antics, I suddenly realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating it again.  MMT
35. Today, as they teased me and laughed hysterically, I just wished they could see the world through my eyes.  MMT
36. Today, as I read my brother’s suicide note, chills ran down my spine because I was horrified by the fact that I could relate to everything he wrote.  MMT
37. Today, my son and I were in a car accident.  I came out of it with just a cut over my eye, but my son fell into a coma.  The doctor said if he doesn’t wake up soon his chances of a full recovery greatly decreases.  An hour ago he opened his eyes and said a word I thought I’d never hear again, “Mommy.”  MMT
38. Today, I interviewed a woman who is terminally ill.  “So,” I tried to delicately ask, “What is it like to wake up every morning and know that you are dying?”  “Well,” she responded, “What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend that you are not?”  MMT
39. Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe.  He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy.  Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating.  The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”  MMT
40. Today, I told my mom that I feel like I’m failing with my alcoholism counseling and that I want to quit.  Then she said my 8 year old brother told her, “I really like the new Elliot so much better.”  MMT
41. Today, I met an amazing guy at a local diner during the breakfast rush.  He was sincere and handsome.  We agreed to meet back at the diner for lunch, but he never showed up.  I found out this evening from a mutual friend that he was in a fatal car accident on his lunch break two blocks away from the diner.  MMT
42. Today, for two hours I stood next to a 50 something year old, burly biker looking guy at a Lady Gaga concert while he sincerely sang his heart out.  MMT
43. Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me.  He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said, “I hope you feel better soon.” MMT
44. Today, I lost my mom to cancer.  My whole life I wanted to build an empire of wealth.  And now that I’m relatively wealthy, all I want is my mom back.  MMT
45. Today, after telling my grandmother that I didn’t want to risk making such a huge mistake, she looked at me and said, “Looking back on it all, there are so many mistakes I wish I had had the courage to make when I was your age.”  MMT
46. Today, while everyone else was complaining about the overbooked flight, I smiled and joked with the gate agent about my willingness to sit in the belly of the plane with the luggage.  15 minutes later, the gate agent found me sitting in the gate area and hand delivered a first class ticket to me.  She winked and said, “Thanks for being so patient.  As you know, the coach cabin is full.”  MMT
47. Today, the evening news report forgot to mention that I was driving home from work five miles an hour below the posted speed limit and that he was an intoxicated drug addict with suicidal tendencies who deliberately jumped out in front of my vehicle.  MMT
48. Today at 3PM my wife checked herself into an alcoholic rehab clinic all by herself after our son showed her bruise marks and belt lash welts on his backside that she couldn’t even recall giving him.  I don’t even know how I feel right now, angry at her or proud.  My head is spinning, and it all MMT.
49. Today, I swore to her that if she followed through with it, I’d do the same.  And she slowly pointed the gun away from her forehead and toward the floor.  Then she handed it to me and cried in my arms for almost three hours.  MMT
50. Today, a 12 year old boy died in a house fire near my neighborhood.  After he pulled his mom to safety, he ran back into the burning house for his 5-month-old baby sister.  MMT
51. Today, my electric wheelchair broke down as I was rushing across campus to take a midterm exam.  Two female joggers noticed I was stuck and asked if I needed assistance.  When I explained my dilemma, they both pushed me simultaneously all the way to my class and got me there just in time.  MMT
52. Today, I was in line at the store behind a man holding a dozen roses.  When he got up to the cashier’s counter, he realized that the cashier looked sad.  The man smiled and said, “I’m buying 11 of these roses for my wife.”  And then he handed the cashier the 12th rose.  She smiled from ear to ear.  MMT
53. Today, I asked my 6 year old son what he wants to be when he grows up.  He said, “Mommy, all I want to be is happy.”  MMT
54. Today, as I watched my 75 year old grandmother and grandfather being silly with each other and laughing in the kitchen, I felt like I got a short glimpse of what true love feels like.  I hope I find it someday.  MMT
55. Today, we were supposed to meet in the park.  But instead I met her in the hospital’s intensive care unit.  And as I sat beside her bed and staring at her unconscious body hooked up to all the breathing equipment, I reached into my pocket, pulled out the diamond engagement ring, and cried.  I’m still here waiting and hoping.  MMT
56. Today, when I told my 8 year old son that all of our dreams are within reach as long as we follow our heart and take action, he asked me if it was always my dream to be a waitress.  MMT
57. Today, after spending the last year working 60 hours a week in an attempt to give my family a more comfortable life, I forgot about my son’s 14th birthday.  My son told me what the family really needs is more of me at home.  MMT
58. Today, I was diagnosed with a malignant tumor and given 3 to 6 months to live 10 minutes before the hospital realized they mixed up my biopsy results with the patient in the next room.  MMT
59. Today, as my son cried in my arms, he said, “What nobody realizes is that it’s torture.  Every day of my life I wish I wasn’t gay.”  MMT
60. Today, my blind friend explained to me in vivid detail how beautiful his new girlfriend is.  MMT
61. Today, my mother passed away after a long battle with cancer.  My best friend lives 2000 miles away and called to comfort me.  While on the phone, he asked, “What would you do if I showed up at your house and gave you the biggest hug in the world?”  “I would surely smile,” I replied.  And then he rang my doorbell.  MMT
62. Today, the main girl who bullied me in high school came into my office apologizing and pleading for a job. I’m still thinking about it.  MMT
63. Today, I was stopped at a traffic light when a mid-aged homeless woman asked me for change.  I usually I don’t give out dollars to the homeless because I assume they are going to buy booze.  But I saw her 45 minutes later at 7/11 buying bread and peanut butter.  She was so happy to see me.  MMT
64. Today, my sister told me a student of hers turned eight years old on Friday.  When I realized he was born on September 11, 2001, I said, “How horrible for his family.”  My sister explained that his grandfather worked at the Pentagon and skipped work that day upon learning his daughter was in labor.  MMT
65. Today, I was driving to a job interview when I saw a businesswoman standing next to her BMW on the side of the road.  She had a flat tire.  I pulled over and helped her put on the spare.  When I arrived to the interview, the woman who I helped ended up being the CEO of the company.  I got the job.  MMT
66. Today at the Atlanta airport, as I walked off a plane dressed in my Army uniform, a little girl grabbed my hand and asked me if I would be going back overseas soon.  I told her I would be in 6 weeks.  She smiled and said, “Can you please tell my daddy that I love him.  My mommy told me he’s never coming home from over there.”  MMT
67. Today, I waited on an elderly woman at the local restaurant where I work.  She left me a $90 tip on a $10 tab with a handwritten note that said, “I’m 86 and I can’t take this money with me.  So please spoil yourself with it.”  MMT
68. Today, I met an elderly man at a bar in Miami.  When I asked him if he was vacationing, he handed me a photo from his wallet and said, “Today would be our 50th anniversary.  And although she’s been gone 10 years now, this bar still reminds me of her smile - when we shared our first laugh here so many moons ago.”  MMT
69. Today, another cancer patient of mine cried and begged me to let her die.  MMT
70. Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try!  You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product.  Amateurs started Google and Apple.  Professionals built the Titanic.”  MMT
71. Today, as soon as my 5-year-old baby brother came into my room, I yelled at him to get out without even looking up at him.  When he didn’t listen and I turned around to yell again, I noticed he had a bowl of cherries (my favorite) in his hands.  He said, “Sorry, I just wanted to share these with you.”  MMT
72. Today, when I got home from dropping you off at the airport, I sat at our kitchen table and stared down at my wedding ring and then up at the photo of my dad hanging on our refrigerator, and then I cried. I just hope the war doesn’t take you away from me too.  MMT
73. Today, after spending the last 3 years viciously bickering with the college kid who lives next door, I found myself crying in his arms and thanking him repeatedly for saving my son’s life.  MMT
74. Today at the diner where I work, an elderly couple came in for the 4th time this week and requested my table.  I asked them what kept them coming back.  They told me that I reminded them of their granddaughter who passed away 6 years ago.  Then they told me her name.  She was my best friend at the time.  MMT
75. Today, my dad told me and my little sister that we might lose our house. I was sad, angry, worried and stressed.  My 14 yr old sister asked me what’s wrong.  When I told her, she said, “It’s just a house.  I don’t care where we live, as long as we’re together.”  MMT
76. Today, I read countless articles about the slain soldiers at Fort Hood.  And it occurred to me that if these soldiers had been deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq and died there, their deaths wouldn’t have made the front page of the newspaper.  MMT
77. Today, I was walking past a group of homeless men who live near my complex.  A cab pulled up next to the men and the driver opened up the rear door and pulled out two huge grocery bags full of food.  He set them down next to the group of men, got in his cab and drove off without saying a word.  MMT
78. Today, for the four hours he was breathing, his father and I loved him for a lifetime.  MMT
79. Today, as I watched my oldest daughter graduate at the top of her class from Harvard Medical School, my wife reminded me that we had her when we were only seventeen.  MMT
80. Today, I stopped to chat with the office janitor like I do every Monday morning on my way into work.  And at the end of our conversation he grinned and said, “You know, you’re the only one who ever stops to talk to me around here, and you’re the President and CEO.”  MMT
81. Today, exactly twenty years ago to the hour, I risked my life to save a woman who was drowning in the rapids of the Colorado River.  And that’s how I met my wife - the love of my life.  MMT
82. Today, I’m in Iraq on my third tour of duty fighting for a cause I no longer believe in.  And I want to go home.  But ever since I caught my wife having an affair 6 months ago, I’m not sure I know where home is anymore.  MMT
83. Today, as I stared down blankly at the $750,000 life insurance check, I couldn’t help but wish it had been me instead.  MMT
84. Today, my wife checked herself into an alcohol rehab clinic after she glanced up at me while she was eating her breakfast and asked how I got a black eye and fingernail scratches all over my face.  MMT
85. Today I found out that my high school friend I’d been meaning to get in touch with for the last year died last week.  MMT
86. Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success.  He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.”  MMT
87. Today, after spending the last ten years serving liquor to alcoholics all day every day I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted.  I’ve concluded that I am, in fact, a failure, even though all my friends call me a successful business owner.  MMT
88. Today, as my grandfather (a military doctor, war hero, and successful business owner) rested in his hospice bed, I asked him what his greatest life accomplishment was.  He turned around, grabbed my grandmother’s hand, looked her in the eyes, and said, “Growing old with you.”  MMT
89. Today, it’s just the six of us.  One was raped when she was fourteen.  Three come from abusive households.  Two were orphans.  Like me, one spent almost two straight years in a psychiatric facility as a kid.  But I wouldn’t trade a single one of them for all the perfect friends in the universe.  MMT
90. Today, I was walking home from work in the pouring rain without an umbrella.  I was walking just behind an elderly man who had an umbrella.  As we both passed under the overhang to an apartment building, he stopped, turned around and handed me the umbrella.  He said, “This is my stop and you look like you need an umbrella.  Pass it along someday when the opportunity arises.”  MMT
91. Today, my friend told me she didn’t mind being legally blind, with only 12% of her vision.  She said, “After it rains there’s usually a dew left on the grass.  And because of the way my eyes refract the light, I see rainbows in the grass.”  MMT
92. Today, at a neighborhood BBQ my neighbor’s son - a 25 year old Marine – dropped to the floor and started crying when one of the other guests lit off a round of firecrackers.  MMT
93. Today, the teenager I scream at almost every day for driving too fast in the neighborhood because it worries me that he’s going to run over my kids, ran across the street from his driveway to ours and grabbed my son off of his tricycle in the middle of the street just before a swerving drunk driver ran over my son’s tricycle and kept going.  MMT
94. Today, I was in an accident that left me with a gash on my forehead.  The doctors wrapped a bandage around my head and said I have to keep it on all week.  I hate wearing it.  Two minutes ago my little brother walked into my room wearing a bandage on his head.  My mom said he insisted that he didn’t want me to feel alone.  MMT
95. Today, when I tapped the side of my wheelchair and told my husband, “You’re the only reason I want to be free from this contraption,” he kissed me on my forehead and said, “Honey, I don’t even see that thing.”  MMT
96. Today, I was jogging in Central Park when this lady started screaming for help.  Her husband was having a heart attack.  I ran over and checked his pulse.  He didn’t have one.  I gave him CPR and got his heart beating before the paramedics arrived.  I’ve done some bad things in my life, but today I saved a life.  MMT
97. Today, I met a powerful businessman who is worth 100 million dollars.  In conversation he told me he regretted never making it to his son’s hockey games or his daughter’s dance recitals.  It made me smile because my dad is probably only worth as much as this man’s last paycheck, but he made it to everything.  MMT
98. Today, at the food court in the mall, a beautiful girl about my age came up to me and hugged me with tears in her eyes.  Once she calmed down, I realized that I had pulled her out of a bathtub a month earlier, her wrists covered in slashes. I am an EMT, and her gesture of appreciation MMT.
99. Today, my fiancé was in a head-on collision car accident.  He is currently in a coma.  And all I can think about is the argument we had this morning.  I screamed at him for screaming at me.  It was a petty argument.  But if he could scream now, I wouldn’t say a word.  I’d just listen to the sound of his voice.  MMT
100. Today, I have two twin boys in my kindergarten class.  I have heard from other parents that they come from a very broken home in which their mother is in and out of rehab and their father is always away on business.  But their 16 year old sister never fails to get them to school on time or pack them a healthy bagged lunch with a smiley face on it.  MMT
101. Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class.  When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.”  MMT

http://www.marcandangel.com

75 Ways To Stay Unhappy Forever

Dale Carnegie once said, “It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.  It’s what you think about.”
I don’t think anyone could say it any better than that.  I’ve watched so many friends search tirelessly for happiness by changing jobs, moving to new cities, pursuing intimate relationships, and tweaking all sorts of other external factors in their lives.  And guess what?  They’re still unhappy.  Because they spend all of their time and money adding positive externals to their lives when their internals are still in the negatives.
So with that in mind, here are 75 ways to stay unhappy forever.  Of course, I would highly recommend you read each bullet point and then move swiftly in the opposite direction.

1. Dwell on things that happened in the past.
2. Obsess yourself with all the things that might happen in the future.
3. Complain about problems instead of taking the necessary steps to resolve them.
4. Fear change and resist it.
5. Work hard, do your best and then condemn yourself for not achieving perfection.
6. Belittle yourself.
7. Hang out with other people who belittle you.
8. Try to control everything and then worry about the things you can’t control.
9. Lie to yourself and those around you.
10. Keep doing the same thing over and over again.
11. Be lazy and follow the path of least resistance.
12. Hold onto anger.  Never forgive anyone.
13. Always be right.  Never let anyone else be more right than you.
14. Compare yourself unfavorably to those who you feel are more successful.
15. Let small issues snowball into big problems.
16. Never learn anything new.
17. Never take responsibility for your own actions.
18. Blame everyone around you.
19. Don’t ask for directions and don’t ask questions.
20. Don’t let anyone help you.
21. Quit when the going gets tough.
22. Be suspicious.  Trust no one.
23. Get four hours of sleep every night and convince yourself that it’s enough.
24. Never throw anything way.  Even if you don’t use it, hold onto it.
25. Say “yes” to everyone.  Fill all your time with commitments.
26. Try to be everyone’s friend.
27. Multitask, multitask, multitask!  Do everything at once.
28. Never spend any time alone.
29. Don’t help others unless you have to.  Do only the things that benefit you directly.
30. Hang out with people who complain about everything.
31. Focus on what you don’t want to happen.
32. Fear the things you don’t fully understand.
33. Always seek external validation before you consider yourself good enough.
34. Take everything and everyone in life seriously.
35. Spend your life working in a career field you aren’t passionate about.
36. Focus on the problems.
37. Think about all the things you don’t have.
38. Read or watch lots of depressing news from broadcast media.
39. Set lofty goals for yourself and never do anything to achieve them.
40. Never exercise.
41. Only eat junk food and fried food.
42. Never check-up on your health.
43. Setup your lifestyle so it revolves around money.
44. Spend more than you earn and rack up lots of financial debt.
45. Don’t say what you mean.  Don’t mean what you say.
46. Frown.
47. Never tell anyone how you feel or what you’re thinking.
48. Make sure everything you do impresses someone else.
49. Always put your own needs on the back burner.
50. Get involved in other people problems and make them your own.
51. Make others feel bad about themselves.
52. Watch TV for several hours every day.
53. Gamble often.
54. Stay in the same place.  Don’t travel.
55. Don’t play, just work.
56. Let your hobbies go.
57. Let your close relationships go.
58. Never finish what you start.
59. Take everything personally.
60. Do lots of drugs.  Drink lots of alcohol.
61. Never say, “I’m sorry.”  Never say, “I love you.”
62. Don’t work hard at anything.
63. Always wait until the last minute.
64. Believe that, no matter what, you are entitled to things.
65. Let others make decisions for you.
66. Remember the insults.  Forget the compliments.
67. Let it all bottle up inside.
68. Rely on others for everything.
69. Fail to plan.
70. Don’t dream.
71. Don’t think about the future at all.
72. Always disregard other people’s opinions and suggestions.
73. Make promises you can’t keep.
74. Don’t decide on anything, ever.
75. Just keep going and going and going.  And never ever stop.

And now that you know what not to do, let me tell you a secret about happiness.  Nobody is happy all of the time.  It’s perfectly normal to experience considerable fluctuations in your level of happiness from day to day, month to month, and even year to year.
In fact, according to a recent scientific study, overall levels of happiness decline from one’s teens until one’s 40s and then pick up again until they peak in one’s early 70s.  So the chances are that your happiest days are yet to come.  Hopefully that gives you something to smile about.

http://www.marcandangel.com

25 Beautifully Illustrated Thought-Provoking Questions

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60 Ways To Make Life Simple Again

When we were young life was easier, right?  I know sometimes it seems that way.  But the truth is life still is easy.  It always will be.  The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get, the more we complicate things for ourselves.
You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes.  We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas.  We liked people who smiled.  We avoided people who frowned.  We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences.  At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts.  When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and a fell down.  This happened several times.  Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.
As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our wounds and fill our voids.  We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home.  We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead.  And when it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, bought things we didn’t need, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better again.
Over the course of time, we made our lives more and more difficult, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need.
So let’s get back to the basics, shall we?  Let’s make things simple again.  It’s easy.  Here are 60 ways to do just that:

Life is not complex.  We are complex.  Life is simple,
and the simple thing is the right thing.
- Oscar Wilde

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds.  Don’t make other people try to read yours.  Communicate.
2. Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you.  Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.
3. Your health is your life, keep up with it.  Get an annual physical check-up.
4. Live below your means.  Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.  Always sleep on big purchases.  Create a budget and savings plan and stick to both of them.
5. Get enough sleep every night.  An exhausted mind is rarely productive.
6.  Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man.  That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness, and other unnecessary headaches.
7. Get off your high horse, talk it out, shake hands or hug, and move on.
8. Don’t waste your time on jealously.  The only person you’re competing against is yourself.
9. Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps.  Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at.
10. Organize your living space and working space.  Read David Allen’s book Getting Things Done for some practical organizational guidance.
11. Get rid of stuff you don’t use.
12. Ask someone if you aren’t sure.
13. Spend a little time now learning a time-saving trick or shortcut that you can use over and over again in the future.
14. Don’t try to please everyone.  Just do what you know is right.
15. Don’t drink alcohol or consume recreational drugs when you’re mad or sad.  Take a jog instead.
16. Be sure to pay your bills on time.
17. Fill up your gas tank on the way home, not in the morning when you’re in a hurry.
18. Use technology to automate tasks.
19. Handle important two-minute tasks immediately.
20. Relocate closer to your place of employment.
21. Don’t steal.
22. Always be honest with yourself and others.
23. Say “I love you” to your loved ones as often as possible.
24. Single-task.  Do one thing at a time and give it all you got.
25. Finish one project before you start another.
26. Be yourself.
27. When traveling, pack light.  Don’t bring it unless you absolutely must.
28. Clean up after yourself.  Don’t put it off until later.
29. Learn to cook, and cook.
30. Make a weekly (healthy) menu, and shop for only the items you need.
31. Consider buying and cooking food in bulk.  If you make a large portion of something on Sunday, you can eat leftovers several times during the week without spending more time cooking.
32. Stay out of other people’s drama.  And don’t needlessly create your own.
33. Buy things with cash.
34. Maintain your car, home, and other personal belongings you rely on.
35. Smile often, even to complete strangers.
36. If you hate doing it, stop it.
37. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.
38. Apologize when you should.
39. Write things down.
40. Be curious.  Don’t be scared to learn something new.
41. Explore new ideas and opportunities often.
42. Don’t be shy.  Network with people.  Meet new people.
43. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you.
44. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded.
45. Don’t text and drive.  Don’t drink and drive.
46. Drink water when you’re thirsty.
47. Don’t eat when you’re bored.  Eat when you’re hungry.
48. Exercise every day.  Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.
49. Let go of things you can’t change.  Concentrate on things you can.
50. Find hard work you actually enjoy doing.
51. Realize that the harder you work, the luckier you will become.
52. Follow your heart.  Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.
53. Set priorities for yourself and act accordingly.
54. Take it slow and add up all your small victories.
55. However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.  Accept this simple fact.
56. Excel at what you do.  Otherwise you’ll just frustrate yourself.
57. Mature, but don’t grow up too fast.
58. Realize that you’re never quite as right as you think you are.
59. Build something or do something that makes you proud.
60. Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.

http://www.marcandangel.com

Icebreakers

1. Хүн бүрийн ард алдартай хүмүүсийн нэрс байх бөгөөд нэрээ зөв таасан хүн ялна. Хүмүүс нэрсээ наалгасны дараа энүүгээр тэрүүгээр явна, нэг нэгнээсээ нэрэнд нь тааруулаад “тийм”, “үгүй” хариулттай асуулт асууна.

Нас: Бүх насныхан
Хүний тоо. 20-оос дээш
Хэрэгтэй зүйлс: Алдартай хүмүүсийн нэрсийг бичээд наах цаас, палмастр, скоч зэрэг
Заавар: Алдартай нэрс тоглоом нь бие биетэйгээ танилцаж нүүр хагарах тоглоом юм. Удирдах хүн нэр цуутай хүмүүс тухайлбал: Аглуу, Бооёо, Амбий, Ариунаа, Сараа, Тэнгис гэх мэт хүмүүсийн нэрсийг цаасан дээр бичнэ. Хүмүүс тойрч суусан хойно нуруун дээр нь наана. Харин тухайн хүн түүнийгээ харж болохгүй, өөр хүмүүс мэдэж болно. Бүгдэд нь наасны дараа хүмүүс хажуу дахь хүмүүстэйгээ, эсвэл босч яваад хэн нэгэн дээр очоод түүний нэрийг хараад янз бүрийн асуулт асууж, мөн өөрийгөө танилцуулна. Тэгээд нэг нэгнээсээ хариулт нь “тийм”, “үгүй” байх асуулт асууна. Үүгээр өөрийгөө хэн болохыг илрүүлнэ гэсэн үг. Өөрийгөө хэн болохыг мэдвэл нэрээ нуруун дээрээсээ авч болно. Тэгээд нөгөө хүнээ нэрээ олтол тоглоомоо үргэлжлүүлнэ

1. In a circle, people put their arms in and hold someone else's hand, then try to unravel the knot without letting go of hands.  Involves getting physically close to others, stretching, laughing and problem solving.

2. Two truths and a lie

   Sparks conversation and laughter with what seems to be hidden innuendos.

   We love Would You Rather...?

   atom molecule 

   Dundaa shaar hiiged todorhoi tsegt ochih

   Group members write personal fears anonymously on pieces of paper which are collected.  Then each person randomly selects and reads someone else's fear to the group and explains how the person might feel.  Fosters interpersonal empathy.

    

   Have You Ever?

   Active, fun group activity to explore and celebrate the rich diversity of people's past experiences.  Works well with large groups.

   Screamer

   In a circle, people look at ground, then on "heads up" look into someone else's eyes.  If 2 people are looking at each other, they scream and are both out. Continue to see who is last - hilarious.

    Buh huniig hos hos bolgoos neg ni nogoogoo hoono.Gehdee guij bolohgui.Ta ooroo gold ni zogsono.Teged huzuu yum u gedsend ni hurvel nogoo hunee hoono gehdee uuniihee omno doroo 2 ergeh ysotoi.

The Rain Game
This is a great game to begin with, to bring your students together and get them to focus.
Have your students sit together in a circle. The teacher begins to rub the palms of his hands together, making a swishing sound. The students should join in. Once all the students are mimicking this action, the teacher then begins snapping his fingers, in the rhythm of rain falling, with the students joining in. Next, the teacher begins slapping his hands on his lap, imitating the sound of louder rain. The "rainstorm" reaches its peak as the teacher then begins stomping his feet, while the students follow. Next, the teacher winds the storm down again, with the students following his actions: clapping, snapping, palms rubbing, until the storm is over and everything is quiet.

all my neighbor circle bolj zogsood neg hun ni gold i zogsono tegeed neg shinj chanar heleed jishee ni buh shiveestei hun bairaa soli geed ooroo negniihbaiarand ochij zogsono bugd baiar biaraa ezelj dund nineg uldene ter or yum helne iim mayagar  urgeljilne 

Америк зурхай Хилэнц

Хилэнц

Нийтлэг зан чанар:

Хүмүүс хэн нэгний аравдугаар сарын 24-нөөс арваннэгдүгээр сарын 22-ны хооронд төрснийг мэдмэгцээ “Базарваань, хилэнцэтийн ордод төрсөн юм байна шүү дээ!” гэж дуу алдан түүнээс болгоомжилж дөлсхийх нь олон. Хилэнцэт гэдэг үгийг сонсоод заримдаа айж сүрдэх, хүндэтгэх бас хүүхнүүдэд хилэнцэт хорхойн тачаангуй аяг санаанд нь зурсхийн орж ирдэг. Хэдийгээр энэ бүхэн “хилэнцтэн”-үүдэд улиг болсон зүйл боловч чухамдаа үнэн эсэхийг нь тодруулах хэрэгтэй юм.
“Хилэнцтэнүүд” нууцаа хадгалах дуртай. Тэднийг таних хэдэн шинж тэмдэг байдаг. Тэдний нүд онцгой. Ногоон, цэнхэр, хүрэн, хар ямар ч өнгөтэй байсан таныг шидийн хүчээр илбэдэн зүрх сэтгэлийг чинь эзэмдэж чадна. Дуу хоолой нь намдуу, эелдэг эсвэл хатуу ширүүн, цангинасан ч байж болно. Тэд өөрсдийгөө хэзээ ч шүүмжлэхгүй. “Хилэнцтэн” сайн, муу талаа сайн мэднэ. Сайшаал магтаал хоёрын алийг нь ч үл тоомсорлоно.
Дэлхийн ван гаригаас заяат төрсөн энэ хүмүүс сайхан биетэй, эрүүл чийрэг байдаг. Гол төлөв хамар, хоолой, нуруу, хөл нь өвдөнө. Гал, цацраг, тэсрэмтгий бодисоос сэргийлж явбаас зохилтой. Энэ үг ялангуяа хүүхдүүдэд ихээхэн хамаатай учир юун түрүүнд тэднээс чүдэнзийг нуух хэрэгтэй. Тэд хүмүүсийг өөртөө татдаг бөгөөд хүнд үнэнч нөхөр хэвээр үлддэг. Тэд сайн зүйлийг мартдаггүй, мууг ч бас удаан санаж явдаг хүмүүс. Юунаас ч айдаггүй зоригтой. “Хилэнцтэн” цэргийн дарга бол огт эргэлзэхгүйгээр цэргээ тулалдаанд оруулна, гал сөнөөгч бол хүүхдийн амь аврахын тулд шууд л гал руу давхин орж амиа золино.
Ер нь “Хилэнцтэн”-үүд биеийн зовиур, гачигдал, дутагдал, инээдэм доог болохоос айхгүй. Учир нь тэд өөрсдийнхөө авьяас билэг, аливааг даван туулах чадварт онцгой итгэдэг.
“Хилэнцтэн”-үүд цээжин дотор нь түймэр асч байвч утааг нь хамраараа гаргахгүй байж чадна. Тэд цагдаа, сэтгэл мэдрэлийн эмч, сурвалжлагч байх нь олон. Хэдийгээр “хилэнцтэн” мэс засалчдын ихэнхийг хатуу сэтгэлтэй гэж бодоцгоодог ч энэ дэлхийн хамгийн сайн эмч гэвэл тэд л байдаг.
“Хилэнцтэн” албан хаагч өөрийгөө ч, бусдыг ч хуурахгүй, өөрийнхөө алдааг хэн нэгэн рүү түлхэхгүй.
Тэрбээр албан тушаалдаа амжилттай ахина. Ямар амжилт олж байгаагаа ч өөрөө сайн мэднэ. Товчоор хэлэхэд өөгүй сайн ажилтан хүн. Тэд онцгой ажил хэрэгч, бас удирдагч хүндээ үнэнч. Ихэнх удирдах ажилтан “хилэнцтэн” албан хаагчаа үнэлж, саналыг нь хуваалцдаг. Одоо “хилэнцтэн” эрчүүдийг шохоорхож буй эмэгтэйчүүдэд бяцхан санамж хэлье.

Хэрэв эрэгтэй бол...

Гэр бүл болно гэдэг амаргүй. Хэрэв та хилэнцтэнд сэтгэлээ алдчихсан, тэгээд “шунал хүсэл” гэдэг үг танд ялимгүй айдас төрүүлж байвал тэр хүнээс зугатах нь зөв. “Шунал” гэдэг үгийг хэрэглэхдээ би зөвхөн дурлал, тачаалыг бус, улс төрийн бодлого, спорт, шашин, амьдрал, үхлийн аливаа асуудалд хэт их шунан сонирхохыг багтаан хэлж байгаа юм. Тэгээд ч тэдний өнгөнд харагдаж буй төлөв байдал, тэсвэр тэвчээрт бүү хууртацгаа. Цаанаа бол тэд үргэлж гал дөл шиг дүрэлзэж шатаж байдаг болохоор тэр галд зөвхөн гар нүүрээр ч үл барам зүрх сэтгэлээ ч хуйхлаж мэднэ.
Гэсэн ч “гэзэгтэй бар” гэмээр хүүхнүүд бол “хилэнцтэний” шунал хүслийг хазаарлан барьж чадна гэж найдаад түүнд сэтгэлээ өгч тэр ч байтугай гэр бүл болж болох юм. Тэгж гэмээ нь тэднийг насан эцэс болтол нь халуун илчээр төөнөж явах болно. Мөн тэд гол төлөв оюун ухааны хөгжил сайтай, гүн ухаан орчлон ертөнцийн асуудлыг сонирхдог. Хоол унд, ялангуяа хайр дурлалынхаа явдлыг ихдүүлэх нь олон. Хайр дурлалынхаа явдлыг шийдтэлээ хүүхэн хүнийг удаанаар “тамлах”, хүүхэн хүнээс эмээж удаанаар царайчлан гуйх хүн ч бий. Гэр бүл дотор “хилэнцтэн” хэн нь ноён гэдгийг дороо л ойлгуулна.
Тэдэнд юу хийх, яах тухай заах буюу сөргөлдөх тухай бодсоны ч хэрэггүй. Тэд ерөнхийдөө хатуу хүмүүс. Царай зүс, хувцас хунарыг чинь магтана гэж бүү бод. Яагаад гэвэл энэ талаар тэд дэндүү шулуухан. Тэр ч бүү хэл аль нэгэн согогоор чинь даажигнаж ч мэднэ. Хэрэв та өөр хэн нэгэнтэй сээтгэнэж, хардах сэтгэлийн хар хорыг нь оргилуулчихгүй бол тэр эхнэртээ хангайн нуруу шиг түшигтэй. Тэр өөрөө тохиолдлын чанартай юманд автахгүй биеэ барьж чадна. Хэрэв хааяа өөрийнхөө чадварыг бусад хүүхнүүд дээр туршиж /зүгээр л мартчихгүйн тулд/ үзлээ ч гэсэн өөрийнхөө эхнэрт үнэнч хэвээр үлддэг.
Товчоор хэлэхэд унаж бяцрахаас айхгүй зориг зүрхтэй хүүхэн л “бүргэдтэй” хамт нисье гэж шийднэ.

Хэрэв эмэгтэй бол…

“Хилэнцтэн” эмэгтэй дур булаам үзэсгэлэнтэй, бардам зантай, өөртөө бүрэн дүүрэн итгэдэг, ямар нэгэн зүйлд гонсойж гэмээ нь эр хүн болж төрөөгүйдээ гомдоно. Энэ бол “хилэнцтэн” бүсгүй хүний намбагүй гэсэн үг биш, харин ч эелдэг зөөлөн зан нь түүний зэвсгийн нэг нь.
“Хилэнцтэн” бүсгүй зөөлөн сахлаг үстэй муурын зулзагатай төстэй. Харин ойр дотно танилцаад ирэхээрээ яггүй хурц хумстайг нь мэдэж авна. Тэд юу ч өмссөн бай толгой эргэмээр сайхан харагдаж чаддаг. Түүнд өөрийг нь аваад явж чадахуйц, нөхрөөрөө бахархаж болохуйц амьдралын хань хэрэгтэй. Тийм хүүхнүүд цэргийн албан хаагчид, усан цэрэг, ялангуяа улс төрийн зүтгэлтнүүдэд онцгой сайн эхнэр болдог. Тэд ухаантай, чадалтай хүмүүст дуртай. Харин чадал муутай хүнийг үл тоомсорлодог.
Тийм эмэгтэйчүүд гэр дотроо нөхөртөө яаж ч ханддаг байсан олны дунд нөхрийнхөө төлөө уул мэт бат зогсоно. Арав, арваннэгдүгээр сард төрсөн хүүхнүүд гэртээ тохьтой байх дуртай. Тэдний гэр орон цэвэр цэмцгэр, тавилга, эд хогшлоо зөв байрлуулсан байдаг. Их цэвэрлэгээ хийх дуртай. Өнцөг булан бүрийг ухаж төнхөж, угааж цэвэрлэж явахад нь нөхрөө хардах шалтгаан болох ямар нэгэн зүйлтэй тааралдахгүй л байх болтугай.
Эс тэгвээс тэдний хардамхай зан хонзорхог сэтгэлтэйгээ адилхан хэмжээ хязгаарыг үл мэднэ. Та ажилдаа явахдаа эхнэрийнхээ хацар дээр нь үнсэхээ мартсан бол эхнэр чинь таныг унтахаар ор руугаа явахад наад зах нь бүтэн сар үнсэхээ “мартаж” чадна.
Хүүхдүүддээ нэлээд ширүүн ханддаг “хилэнцтэн” эцгийг бодвол “хилэнцтэн” эх хайраа ил гаргах дургүй ч хүүхдүүддээ үргэлж эелдэг, үнэнч ханддаг. Хүүхдийнхээ авьяасыг талаар өнгөрүүлэхгүй, их үйлсийн төлөө тэмүүллийг нь ямагт зүйл бүрээр сайшаан дэмжинэ.

Хүүхэд ахуй цагтаа…

Залуу аав, ээж хоёр саяхан мэндэлсэн “хилэнцтэнээ” хармагц ямар аятайхан, чийрэг, амгалан амьтан бэ гэж гайхах, баярлах зэрэгцэнэ. Гэвч дүгнэлт хийхээ яарах хэрэггүй. Тэд юм олж хардаг болонгуутаа л өөрийнхөө элдэв аашийг гүйцэлдүүлэх гэж эхийгээ “илбэдэж”, хүсэл зоригоо тулган хүлээлгэхийг оролдоно. Бүр эхнээсээ л түүнд, гэрийн дотор хэн нь захирагч байх ёстойг ойлгуулаарай. Залуу “хилэнцтэн”-ийг хүмүүжүүлэхэд хатуу чанга сахилга батаас гадна маш их хайр халамж хэрэгтэй. Учир нь тэд хайр халамжийг их үгүйлдэг улс.
Бяцхан “хилэнцтэн”-үүд аюултай зодоочид байдаг. Бас хонзон санамтгай. Өс хонзон өвөрлөх нь өөрт нь хортойг тэдэнд сайн итгүүлж үнэмшүүлэх хэрэгтэй.
Тэдний олон сайн чанарын нэг нь өвчинд гаргууд тэсвэртэй. Хилэнцийн ордод төрсөн охид хөвгүүд хар багаасаа уншиж сурч, сургуульд ороод онолын ямар ч хичээлд толгой өвдөхгүй. Гэсэн ч тэднийг дэг журамд сургахын тулд торлогдох нь зөв үү? Эсвэл ангийн идэвхтнээр сонгох нь зүйтэй юу гэдэгт сурган хүмүүжүүлэгчид тээнэгэлздэг. Сүүлийнх нь арай дээр байх.
Тэд аймшигтай кино, шинжлэх ухааны уран зөгнөл, буг чөтгөрийн тухай өгүүллэгт дуртай. Яагаа ч үгүй л сээтэгнэж эхэлдэг. Иймд тэдэнд тэр дэврүүн явдлынхаа төлөө хариуцлага хүлээх ёстойг итгүүлж үнэмшүүлэх хэрэгтэй. Тэгэхгүй бол тэд нас бие гүйцээд ирэхээрээ бүсгүйчүүдэд зовлон учруулж мэднэ. Дэлхийн ван гариг түүнд зориг, хүч, төгөлдөр ухаан заяасан болохоор эцэг эхчүүд л өөрийнхөө үлгэр жишээгээр хэрхэн бусдыг хайрлаж, бусдад хайрлагдахыг зааж сургаж чадна.

Төрсөн сарын зурхай

1-р сард төрөгсөд

· Их хүсэл эрмэлзэлтэй юманд нухацтай

· Хүнд заах хүнээс заалгах дуртай

· Хүний алдаа,сул талыг олж харах дуртай

· Шүүмжлэх дуртай

· Шаргуу бүтээлч

· Ухаалаг, цэвэрч ба эмх цэгцтэй

· Мэдрэмжтэй ба юмыг гүнзгий боддог

· Бусдыг хэрхэн хөгжөөхөө мэддэг

· Ер нь дуу шуу цөөтэй гэхдээ сэтгэл хөдөлсөн юмуу сандарсан үед тийм биш

· Нилээд хашир

· Нийгмийн идэвхи өндөр

· Биеийн эсэргүүцэл сайн гэвч ханид амархан хүрчихдэг

· Хайраа илэрхийлэхдээ нилээд хэцүү ч романтик талдаа

· Хүүхдэд хайртай

· Гэр амьтай

· Үнэнч

· Нийгмийн үйл ажиллагаанд үүрэг өндөр

              • Жоохон юмнаас хардах нь амархан

2-р сард төрөгсөд

· Чадварлаг хийсвэрлэн сэтгэгч

· Юмыг хийсвэрлэн өөр өнцгөөс харах дуртай

· Ухаалаг

· Олон ааштай

· Нилээд ичимхий дуугүй талдаа

· Өөрийгөө хүндэтгэх нь бага

· Шударга

· Зорилгоо аль хэдий тогтоочихсон байдаг

· Эрх чөлөөтэй байхыг эрмэлздэг

· Эрх чөлөөг нь хаах юм бол нилээд эсэргүүцэл үзүүлнэ

· Ер нь эрч хүчтэй байхад дуртай

· Хэтэрхий мэдрэмтгийгээсээ амархан дарамтанд ордог

· Уурласан байдлаа амархан илэрхийлдэг

· Дэмий зүйлд дургүйцэх нь элбэг

· Найзтай болох дуртай ч тийм амархан найзтай болдоггүй

· Зоригтой бас нилээд зөрүүд талдаа

· Эрмэлзлэлтэй

· Хүслээ мөрөөдлөө олж чаддаг

· Зугаа цэнгэлд дуртай

              • Дотроо романтик ч тэрнийгээ огт гаргадаггүй

3-р сард төрөгсөд

· Бусдыг татах чадвартай

· Бусдад нилээд нөлөө үзүүлж чаддаг

· Ичимхий , хашир

· Нууцлаг

· Байгалын заяаасан үнэнч, сайхан сэтгэлтэй ба өрөвч

· Энх амгаланд дуртай ба та өөрөө ч тайван

· Бусад хүмүүс таныг ойлгоход амархан

· Бусдад туслах дуртай

· Уурлах нь ховор

· Найдвартай итгэж болох хүн

· Танд хүндэтгэл үзүүлвэл та буцаагаад маш сайхан ханддаг

· Бусдад үнэлгээ өгөгч

· Шартай

· Юмыг хэтэрхий сайхнаар төсөөлөх

              Бусдын анхаарлын төвд байх дуртай

· Аялалд дуртай

· Хөгжмийн талын авъяастай

· Онц гойд зүйлд дуртай

4-сард төрөгсөд

· Идэвхитэй

· Дорвитой шийдвэр гаргах нь хэцүү

· Бусдад нөлөөлж чаддаг

· Сэтгэл хямралд ороход гарах нь хэцүү

· Бусдын анхаарлын төвд байх дуртай

· Боловсон

· Бусдын сэтгэл санааг өргөдөг

· Нөхөрсөг ба бусдын асуудлыг зохицуулж чаддаг

· Нилээд зүрхтэй ба юмнаас айх нь бага

· Адал явдалд дуртай

· Бусдыг хайрлаж бусдад анхаарлаа хандуулж чаддаг

· Эелдэг сайхан сэтгэлтэй

· Сэтгэл хөдлөл их

· Басгүй зөрүүд

· Эрч хүчтэй

· Яаруу

· Юмыг мартдаггүй

· Хөдөлгөөнтэй

· Бусдыг ятгаж чаддаг

· Толгой цээжний өвчин ороомтгой

               • Маш амархан их харддаг

5-р сард төрөгсөд

· Зөрүүд ба чулуун зүрхтэнгүүд 

               Ухаан хурц

· Бусдад нөлөөлж хайрыг татах увидастай

· Юмыг гүнзгий мэдэрдэг

· Бие галбир болоод ухаан төгс

· Өөрийн байр сууринд бат зогсдог

· Таныг ятгахад үр дүн бага олдог

· Амархан тайвширдаг

· Дэс дараалалтай юмыг сэтгэдэг

· Мөрөөдөх дуртай

· Зөн совин ихтэй

· Өвчлөл ихэвлэн чих хүзүүгээр авдаг

· Юмыг ургуулан бодохдоо сайн

· Маргалдах чадвар сайн

· Биеийн тамир сайн

· Сулхан амьсгаатай

· Уран зохиол уран зурагт дуртай

· Аялах дуртай

· Урам зориг өгөхөд эрчтэй байж чаддаг

• Үрэлгэн

6-р сард төрөгсөд

· Алсыг харж чаддаг

· Сайхан сэтгэлээр хандахад та дуртай байдаг

            • Сайхан сэтгэлтэй нам дуутай
• Мэдрэмтгий
• Гvйлгээ ухаантай
• Юманд тээнэгэлзvvр
•Ер нь юманд цаг хvлээлгэж байдаг ялангуяа болзоондоо
• Ямагт юмны хамгийн сайныг сонгодог
• Зан ааш тогтворгvй
• Наргианч
• Хошин зvйлд дуртай
• Яриасаг
• Маргахдаа сайн
• Мөрөөдөмтгий
• Нөхөрсөг
• Хэн нэгэнтэй хэрхэн найзлахаа мэддэг
• Хайртай хvндээ хичнээн ч удаан vнэнч байдаг
• Сэтгэл нь эмзэглэх нь амархан
• Ханиад авах нь амархан
• Олон янзын хувцас өмсөх дуртай
• Сэтгэл эмзэглэсэн vед нилээд удаж байдаг зvгээр болдог
• Зөрvvд
• Танд хайртай хvмvvс танд дайсан
• Ажил хэрэгт бvтээлч

7-р сард төрөгсөд
• Хамттай байхад уйдахааргvй
• Нууцлаг
• Таныг ойлгоход бэрх
• Хэн нэгний бахархал болдог
• Нэр хvнд нилээд өндөр
• Амархан тайвширдаг
• Vнэнч
• Хvмvvсийн мэдрэмжийг анхаардаг
• Ая эвтэй
• Нөхөрсөг
• Сэтгэлийн хөдлөл их
• Олон ааш гаргаж урьдчилан таахад бэрх
• Сэтгэл санааны байдал амархан мууддаг
• Цэцэн
• Уяан сэтгэлтэй
• Юманд эсэргvvцэх нь бага
• Бусдыг уучилдаг ч хэзээ ч мартдаггvй
• Бусдад биеийн болон сэтгэлийн vлгэр дууриал болдог
• Юман хашир ханддаг
• Хvнийг сайн судалсны эцэст шvvж чаддаг
• Юманд махруу
• Хэцvv зvйл танд тун ховор

8-р сард төрөгсөд
• Наргианд дуртай
• Бусдыг татах увидастай
• Эелдэг ба бусдад санаа тавьдаг
• Зоригтой айх зvйл ховор
• Бусдыг удирдах чадвартай
• Бусдыг хэрхэн тайвшируулахаа мэддэг
• Хэтэрхий сайхан сэтгэлтэй
• Хvний хvндэтгэл хvртдэг
• Магтаалын vгэнд дуртай
• Онцгой сvлд хийморьтой
• Багахан юман амархан харддаг
• Гярхай ажигч
• Анхаарал болгоомжтой
• Маш хурдан сэтгэдэг
• Бусдыг хошуучлах дуртай ба хошуучилж ч чаддаг
• Бусдаас хамааралгvй сэтгэгч
• Мөрөөдөх дуртай
• Уран зураг, хөгжилд авяаслаг
• Мэдрэмтгий хэдий ч аар саар зvйлийг тоодоггvй
• Биеийн эсэргvvцэл сул
• Хvний хайрыг татам
• Хvнтэй найзлах дуртай

9-р сард төрөгсөд
• Эелдэг ба буулт хийх нь амархан
• Болгоомжтой
• Хvний алдааг заах дуртай
• Шvvмжлэх дуртай
• Дуугай хэдий ч ам халвал сайн ярина
• Амгалан тайван
• Сайхан сэтгэлтэй энэрэнгvй
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• Сайн ажилладаг
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• Ой санамж сайн
• Ухаалаг ба мэдлэг өндөр
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• Сэтгэл хөдлөл гаргах нь ховор
• Мэдрэмжээ ямагт нуухыг эрмэлздэг

10-р сард төрөгсөд
• Яриасаг
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• Юмны голыг барисан зvйлд дуртай
• Бусдыг татах чадвартай, эелдэг
• Дотоод сэтгэлийн болоод гадаад гоо vзэсгэлэнтэй
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• Ямагт найз нөхөдтэй болдог
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• Бусад хvмvvс юу бодож байгаад нээх анхаардаггvй
• Сэтгэлийн хөдлөл их
• Шийдэмгий
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• Аялал, уран зураг, уран зохиолд дуртай
• Намуухан яриатай хайр татам
• Амархан харддаг
• Дарамт стрессд амархан ордог
• Тухтай байдлаа амархан алддаг

11-р сард төрөгсөд
• Маш олон шинэ санаа гаргадаг
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• Зөв сэтгэдэг хосгvй хvмvvс
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• Нууц ихтэй
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• Хvний нууцыг яаж илрvvлэхээ мэддэг
• Vргэлж толгойд нь ямар нэгэн зvйл эргэлдэж байдаг
• Бага ярьдаг ч нөхөрсөг
• Зvрхтэй
• Тэвчээртэй
• Зөрvvд амархан гомдоод байдаггvй
• Ямар нэгэн хэцvv нөхцлөөс гарах арга зам байнга эрэлхийлнэ
• Хэзээ ч бууж өгөхгvй
• Амархан уурлаад байдаггvй
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12-р сард төрөгсөд
• Vнэнч сайхан сэтгэлтэй
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• Тоглоом өөр бас бус харилцаанд идэвхитэй оролцогч
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• Эрмэлзлэлтэй
• Хамтдаа байхад уйдахааргvй
• Нийгэмсэг
• Магтаалд дуртай
• Бусдын анхаарлын дунд байх дуртай
• Хайрлан хvндлvvлэх бас дуртай
• Vнэнч шударга
• Ямар нэгэн хуурамч байдал гаргадаггvй
• Ааш нь амархан хувирна
• Хvний хvндэтгэлийг олдог
• Эрхийг хаагаад байгаа зvйлд vнэн голоосоо дургvй
• Наргианд дуртай
• Наргиаг сайн мэдэрдэг
• Логик сэтгэлгээ сайн